# Pain and desire

Ольга Слободкина

To B.D.


Oh, he can't share my Spirits -

So, let it be.

Nor can he share my solitude -

So, let it be.

Neither - my mystery...

So, let it be.


But there it was - his pain,

his passion...


So,

let him not remember me,

let him not love me,

think about me anymore.


But there is was -

his open heart,

his open bleeding heart

of memory,

of recollections...


He did betray himself

giving his love away,

letting it show,

letting his feelings flow -

pain and desire.


For that's the only way

that he can love.


Oh, did he love me?

Did he really love?


I never thought he did.

But now that twenty years have passed

I see - he did.


And all the pain,

and all the loss

blowed up in him.


His open heart -

pain and desire.


No irony,

no cynicism -

no kidding.


It was so much unlike him,

but I could see that.


And just for that

I'll keep him in my heart

until the end:


No irony,

no cynicism -

no kidding...


But just an open bleeding heart -

pain and desire.


Yes, twenty years had passed

before I realized

how much he loved me,

although he never showed me that

back then...


Sept. 12, 2004