# Exclusive publishing series. Part ix

Ольга Слободкина

1. The sun is setting again.

A shimmering haze over the ocean.

On the glossy water-a sailboat,

a slender fin.

Summer ends too soon.

Autumn in the heart. Autumn.

Life flows away into the sky.

Winter is coming.


July 31, 2019


From the Haiku collection


***


2. I'm by the river...

The water lilies are swaying

on the waves,

their yellow heads

and broad leaves...

And my heart and mind

are getting a little lighter...


My life is waning and meaningless...


I had an anchor - my mom...


Now she is gone...


I'm praying for her soul...


I don't want her to know

how awful it is for me

to live without her...


"What will happen to you

when I'm gone," -

she once said.


She was worri-

ed

and not for no reason...


I've never thought

it would be such a draught...


I've lived my life alone

and speculated

it would be the same without her.


Alas,

I was wrong...


The International shows

want nothing, but money...

Then they would praise you and eulogize...


The rest of the world

wants nothing at all

from me...


I should finish

the projects

of me-

mo-

ry...


I really want

my family names

remain

in the country's

scientific his-

tory...


Then I will leave this world

with relief...


July 17, 2026


***


3. After a good swim

I'm getting out of the river -

the feeling is quite Baltic -

and walk on the grass

imagining

I'm walking to my mom,

my step-father

and my little brother

along the sands of Pärnu...


That was my last holiday

with my parents

before my last year

at secondary school

And before my fatal mistake

when I dumped my first and true love...

who was intended as a spouse for my life-time...


I was so happy back then -

with my parents and their friends...

And my little brother was so sweet...

Now he is 53 and has 4 kids...


That summer

I could have gone

to an International camp

in Československo

with the girls from my form.


Somehow I didn't regret it at all...

And I don't

regret it now...


In Pärnu

we had a little house of our own.


It wasn't our own,

but felt as if it were...


My life was all in store -

with all the sufferings

and glamour of my work...


And - most importantly -

I was in love

and with my parents...


Now they are gone...


July 17, 2026

The Silver Forest


4. Somewhere...

deep down

in the heart

of this grey-haired

ageing man

lives a boy of 14...


He was a miraculous Prince

and in love with me...


We should have lived this whole life together -

the King and the Queen.


My fault.


Now... what can I do?

I've lived alone,

without you...


August 4, 2026


***


5. As mama used to say:

"I don't like it when my subconscious is empty..."


She meant:

if some mathematical problem isn't spinning in her head,

life becomes uninteresting...


The Presidium of the Academy of Sciences

wrote that "she thought decades ahead,"

ahead of her time...


And I want to endlessly create my own world -

a world of images and words.


The world around us

can be anything...


But art must be beautiful...


P.S. And I want to shoot a film


August 4, 2026


***


6.