1. That's it. August & Rains.
Back in May, there was still a snowstorm, yes!
Then, swimming in the Silver Forest river,
but ahead lie the snows... alas!

The sky is blanketed by heavy clouds -
 black, gray...
Where will life's winding turn lead me next,
 along these untrodden paths?
  Hey! 
    Now I'm going back from the Market place of Life at last...
A strange feeling -
    behind is the best.

Back then, it seemed-
    by chance, by some twist of fate -
       that things were falling into place...

In truth - it was Heaven's work...

Gee!

Everything passed by so quick-
  ly -
my beautiful youth,
    and wanderings in Koktebel...

Twenty long poems.
   Now, perhaps, there will be no more journeys anyway.

Everything, everything has rushed by...

August & Rains. Yes...
   And ahead-
ice and snow,
    alas...



July 30, 2024

                                       ***


2.   The clouds are melodies, 
   the wires are bars and the city outline - rhythms. 
All my pictures are music. 
     Music,
I've never left you, 
     just turned you into a different form.


2023

                                        ***

3. I'm wandering through other people's minds
   as if their thoughts were trees with lots of branches.
Some catch me by my clothes, wouldn't let me go,
    some go straight up
        without love or hatred
           or any other feeling -
             just like that,
               so nonchalant
                 and so unsympathetic.

I love them most, however,
   for there are
    still others
     dried up by
my negligence or pride...
   They look so helpless...

I cannot water them
  or take them back to life
for they will thirst for further care and time,
  which I can't give them
for I must be gone
   to Where I'm needed most
and most desired.


They should've never known my warmth or breath,
   would've been growing in their different ways
    in blissful unawareness of my spirits.


So, I can only pray...
  These dried up trees
will be like broken branches of my mind,
  regardless of the years I'll have lived.


  Forgive me,
the Great Gardener of Life...




Oct. 21, 1990


                                      ***


4. Life is a continuous flow,
flowing from youth into Eternity...
And all Love will remain in the soul.
Should I be sad - the bride of Heaven!

No one knows
what will become of us,
but if there was happiness,
it was
when
we were all together.


March 12, 2005


                                      ***
5.   From the book "On my own"
  
  
  A moment of peace...
   A white church,
  a wooden well,
   green grass
   some fruit trees
  and the setting Sun...
  
  Thank you, Lord!
  
  
  
August 10, 2018



                                   ***

6. From the book "On my own"
  
  
  And suddenly all's in the past
   and only the piano melody
   played by a girl
  makes
   the unique
   and unrepeated moment
   of my soul
  and of the present...
  
  Is there any future?
  
  
  July 5, 2006
  
  
                                      ***
  
  
  
  
  
7.  From the book "Life of the sky"
  
  
  The Sun has set,
   leaving behind
   a pillar of fire -
   a trace in the sky,
   a reminder
  of its stay on the Earth,
   like an obelisk
   of memory.
  
  
   The night will erase this too -
   our efforts,
   doubts,
   torments...
  
  
   All, all will be gone...
   This will be gone too
   in the reminiscence
   of Eternity...
  
  
  
June 13, 1999
  
  
                                        ***
  
  
  
8.  From the book "Life of the sky"
   
  
  And the White Sun grew orange
   as I walked through the archers
   of the boulevard...
  
  The trees, whose names I don't know,
   carried their lace, almost imponderable fragile leaves
   as if on their palms - to the Sky,
   imitating the design of refined Japanese graphics...
  
  
  I've seen this already
   as well as these people
   on the impressionists' canvases
   and here -
   twenty years ago.
  
  I've taken to dilapidated
   old buildings...
  
  
  I must be growing old...
  
  
  
Spring 1999


                                       ***  
   

9. From the book "Contemplations"
  
  
  A moment of beauty -
   the sparkling Sun
   on the rippled waters
   through
   the unusually
   elongated leaves
   of the unusually
   round trees.
  
  Another year has passed -
   a year of temptations,
   frustrations,
   success,
   betrayals,
   traveling,
   work
   and disease...
  
  There has been
   so much of everything,
   but I don't seem
   to have become
   a more perfect me.
  
  I think,
   everything
   has happened
   already.
  
  But that is not true.
  
  There will be more temptations,
   more frustrations,
   more success,
   more betrayals
   more traveling,
   work
   and disease.
  
  Plus horrors
   of the old age.
  
  And I don't seem
   to have the energy
   to become
   a more perfect me.
  
  But that is not true.
  
  
  
  
Sept. 19, 2006
  
  
                                       ***
  
  
10.  From the book "My Dreams"
  
  
  I liked that moment...
   I woke up,
  but stayed in bed
   trying to steady
  my disturb`ed mind
   with prayers...
  
  I suddenly was thrown into the past,
   into that little girl
  lying in bed with her angina...
  
   My mom was in the room...
  She walked across,
   said something in a quiet voice...
  With granny in the kitchen...
  
  And all our men
   were with us
  and alive -
   my granddad and my father...
  
  I liked it -
   the spirit of our home
  and atmosphere of the 1960s...
  
  
Jan. 11, 2024

 
  
                                          ***
  
  
  
  
11.  From the book "My Wishes"
  
  
  I want beauty ...
  Beauty of the snow-covered woods.
  Beauty of the rising suns.
  Beauty of the frozen lakes.
  
  I want beauty ...
  Beauty of infinite eyes.
  Beauty of feelings.
  Beauty of love.
  
  I want beauty ...
  Beauty of silence.
  Beauty of prayers.
  Beauty of the burning honey candles.
  
  I want beauty ...
  Beauty of the Spirit.
  Beauty of the Earth.
  
  
Jan. 2017
  
  
                                           ***
  
  
  
12.  From the book "Mutability"
  
  
  The lilacs still in blossom,
   promise to stay for ever in this world...
  However,
   for ever is the change,
  the change alone...
   And if our dear who have left this life
   could come right back
   they wouldn't know
  what they can do here,
   neither would you...
  
  But at the end of May
   the gorgeous lilacs,
  still in blossom,
   promise to stay for ever in this world
   breaking the law of mutability
  that Shelly spoke about:
   "Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
  Nought may endure but Mutability."*
  
  
May 22, 2024


*Mutability ["We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon"] BY PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY
  
  
  
  
  
  
13.  From my "Koktebel Diary 1998"
  
  
  
  Oh, don't I know how a little girl feels
   when she enters the sea -
   let her Guardian Angel be with her -
   or the thoughts of a tree
   or a flight of a bird!
  
   Yes, I know all these things,
   yes, I know.
  
   But I tend to forget what I knew
   when I was a small girl -
   didn't she enter the sea
   with a marvelous heavenly feeling
   given only to her
   by the All-Mighty Lord
   and enjoyed by her Guardian-Angel...
  
  
  
  
May 9, 1998
  
  
   ***
  
   
  
14.  From the book "My Dreams"
  
  
  A few painless moments
   before I wake up...
  I'm in granny's flat.
   She says,
  she has
   the key
  to a Se-
  cret
   Garden.
   It's in her clo-
  set.
   There is a little girl
   staying with us...
  - For ever? - ask I.
  - Ay.
  Some young spies
   are listening and recording
  behind
   the window
   with their device.
  I shoo them away
   and see their way -
  sliding down the ropes.
   Nine meters high!
   The third floor!
  Our apartment home
   was built by the German prisoners of war...
  When the roar
   of a plane
   brings me back to my pain,
  but I fall asleep again.
   I'm at the dacha
  picking up some precious crockery
   from the cupboard in my room
  to take it home
   from
  1978,
   the year the house was torn
  down...
  
  I wake up at last -
   I was happy
   during those moments...
  Then - the painful comeback to reality...
   One more day...
  Let us pray...
  
  P.S. I want my Eternity
   to be a blissful sleep
   without pain or guilt
  and... without me...
  
  
Feb. 22, 2024
  
  
  
  
                                       ***
  
  
15. And yet
   there are some quiet moments...
  when the sea
   is ebbing,
   ebbing,
   ebbing
   and the sky
   is weaker
  in its lightest blue
   dissolving gently
  in the outer space...
  
  
  The sands are stretching
   while the bamboo tents
   start drawing
   round shadows
   on the earth.
  
  The Sun is tired
   and is not so hard..
  
  
  The Island of Tiran
   grows pink,
   its tail is thinning
   in its strive to reach
   Saudi Arabia
   to make one single whole.
  
  
  The air is milder
   in the setting Sun...
  And all the disillusions of this life
   are ebbing,
   ebbing,
   ebbing
   ebbing
   with the sea...
  
  
  And then
   you think
  about some Other World
   where you'll be happy
  in a different way...
  

  
Aug. 19, 2015
  
  
   Sharm El Sheikh


                                      ***


16. From the book Contemplations
  
  At first we dream
   and then we try -
   try hard,
  try very hard...
   and understand what's what...
  
  But even knowing
   the rude and disappointing life
  we go on dreaming -
   unrealistically...
  
  Maybe these dreams, unrealistic,
   help us to go on?
  
  
  
June 22, 2024
  
  
                                         ***
  
  
  
  
17.  Oh, don't you love your take -
   blue clouds
   over the light-blue hills
   stepping a little back,
   hovering over the world...
  
  Well, this is Koktebel,
   the valley of blue rocks and hills,
   my tremulous and ardent love.
  
  The clouds have played a wistful Saga
   turning from Angels
   into miraculous birds
   up in the sleepy skies,
   ready to have the Night.
  
  It's cold. It's very cold.
   I am alone
   in this mysterious set
  
  and my enormous feeling,
   as rhythmic as the waves
   will never tide...
  
  
  
  May 24, 1998
  
  From my Koktebel diary 1998
  
  
  
   ***
  
  
  
18. From my book Contemplations

  
  Life is not
   what we thought...
  And things
   seem to be unattainable...
  
  
  Whatever you reach
   is not the same
   it was in the mind...
  
  
  Nonetheless
   we go on...
  
  
  And happi-
   ness
   is
  unawareness
   of what's
  in store for us...
  
  
  
  
Nov.20, 2019
  
  
                                      ***
  
  
  
19.  From my book Only you, Love
  
  Do you love me at early dew
  When the Sun sets up in the Sky
  To work for the heavy Earth
  And it's time to go out to work?
  
  
  Do you love in the afternoon
  When the Sun as all blossom and height,
  The Earth is worn out by the heat
  And you're eager to break for lunch?
  
  
  
  Do you love me at half past five
  When the Sun dissolves in the day,
  The Earth's getting ready to rest
  And you feel it's time to go home?
  
  
  Do you love me when Midnight comes,
  The Moon soaks itself in the ink
  Of the deep black ocean-like Sky
  And your mind's going out to God?
  
  
  Do you love me?
  
  
April 2, 1996


                                    ***
  
  
  
  
20. To B.D.
  
  
  From my book Only you, Love
  
  
  I'm in the Orsay Museum -
   thinking about you, my heart.
  
  If I had a cell phone
   I would call you -
   to give you a deep vibrating silence
   meaning only one thing
   I cannot pronounce -
   LOVE.
  
  I've been talking to you in my mind
   for two months already -
   day and night.
   My notebook is running out,
   but I decided
   not to drop this line
   until it drops off by itself.
  
  Whatever you've got to say and haven't
   will be said in your mind -
   silently.
  
  It's the same as the silence
   you gave me
   on the day of my call
   after we talked in pronounced words.
  
  Well, even if it was just a burst
   and not love
   that can last
   and bring fruit...
  
  Even if you never call me again,
   never talk to me,
   never think of me
  
  I will be grateful
   for this happy period of wishful love
   living in my heart,
  
  which saved me from loneliness,
   from the frosts of Moscow winters...
  
  And I will continue to warm you
   with the currents of my mind -
   at a distance.
  
  You may not even notice this,
   but will feel good
   and cared for
   and protected anyway -
  
  that's how it works,
   it's like a prayer.
  
  Maybe,
   this kind of communication is even better -
   for
   we'll never quarrel,
   never see annoying friends,
   never go to stupid parties,
   never try to subdue each other.
  
  Well,
   whatever...
   I'm immensely grateful
   for the energy you gave me,
   which continues to work in me still,
  
  the energy of that deep vibrating silence
   meaning only one thing
   you couldn't pronounce -
   LOVE.
  
  
  
  
 April 2003
  
  Paris



                                     ***


21. Nights by the river

At night
   the river is different...
The palpitating pillars of light
  seem to live underwater...
Yet... it's an illusion...
  They're just reflections
of lanterns -
 the other side
of the bank...

When I worked in New York
  for the NDI
Betsy Gardella,
  the art director,
invited me to go
  to the Yellowstone Park
in September...

However, my fate
  was to come back home...
I've never made
  Yellowstone...

I really wish I could stay
   in the USA...
Could've stayed...

And now Jacques d'Amboise
   is no longer himself...
35 years have passed
  like one day...

Most celebrities
  I worked with
are gone...
  Peter Brook,
Natasha Parry,
  George White,
   Leonard Nemoy,
Сicely Tyson...

The whole strata of life...
The whole strata of art...

Now I'm an artist myself
  having created a huge archive,
   getting awards all the time...

Am I happy?
  Yes!
 This is nice
to be appreciated for once...

But...
   there is something else...

Happiness...
    Have I really been?
  At times...

But it was almost never full...
 It can't be full on Earth...

And in the Other World?
  We'll see...

We won't know
   until we get There...
    
Shall
we
  be
ever
  together
    in the full happiness and ener-
gy?




Oct.8, 2025

                                  ***


22.  In the evening, I'll take a breath by the River
  and cast off the lump of the unattainable,
     yet what I must accomplish...

My soul has contracted like a flexible spring...
   And the Lanterns live
     in their own fantasies
       underwater...

The River is still,
 as if it's not a river,
   but a lake
     or even a stagnant pond...

It's already dark.
  The clouds are hazy.
   And the skies feign blindness...

In the evening, I'll take a breath by the River
  and cast off all the fatigue...

I have a feeling
  that life is looming in the distance
    as if it hasn't gone by...

But that  doesn't mean anything...


October 8, 2025



                ***



23. The street lanterns -
 in the gold of yellow leaves -
   glow mysteriously...

After the River,
   everything urban is unthinkable.

This is another world...

How I've become used to living
   under the pressure of frenzy...

Now - something else.
   Another world of the soul.
     The River.
      The Street lamps.
        The Yellow leaves...



October 8, 2025


                                   ***


24. 
The autumn river is beautiful...
 The oak-trees stand - Medieval knights.
   The colored leaves on the other bank weave into tapestries.

My walks are quiet...
 and reflections -
   about the wanderings of the soul.

It's pointless to think about life anymore...

This is a long farewell -
  "A long day's journey into night" -
      a farewell to autumn -
in nature, in life...

Entering the pre-winter...

In spring, nature will blossom again...

And the soul...?

What awaits it behind the Curtain?

The ones we lived with,
  who passed away,
   now they know more...

When we sat next to each other
  they were wondering
how it is There...

Now they're gone...

The autumn river is beautiful,
  But there's no one to share it with -
     its Beauty, its Tenderness...



October 2, 2025

  
                                  ***

25.  Towards nightfall,
        the unseen host
          suddenly retreats...


Perhaps they've taken a brief time-out,
  or perhaps God
    shares my view:


Why
 constantly and relentlessly
   tempt a human being so!?! 
     Have You no pity!


And then...
  not in order
    to drive away the evil forces,
     but out of love
      and with peace at heart,
       I begin a prayer...


"Eternal God..."


June 10, 2017


                                    ***


26. Motor boats
  and underwater wings
are going up and down

The glittering surface
   in the sun-setting miracle
is changing all the time

Should I have spent
   half an hour
filming it?

I have many regrets,
   but what can I change now?

My life is setting 
   with the Sun

There was a lot of cruelty,
  deceit, cheating,
blackmail
  and unreasonable reproach

But also lots of glamorous work,
  creativity
and International recognition

I'm thankful
   for the outstanding family
I was born into
  notwithstanding
how difficult it was

I'm thankful for my talents

I would have never imagined
  they would bring me
world fame

I'm not rich,
   but the only real wealth
is a free fresh spiritual breath

That's what I'm praying for now...


May 22, 2026



  

                          End of Part III