Слободкина Ольга
Exclusive Publishing Series by Olga Slobodkina-von Brömssen Part One
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© Copyright
Слободкина Ольга
(
olga_slobodkina@mail.ru
)
Размещен: 17/06/2024, изменен: 01/08/2024. 41k.
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EXCLUSIVE PUBLISHING SERIES
by
Olga Slobodkina-von Brömssen
Part I
1.
From the book "On my own"
A moment of peace...
A white church,
a wooden well,
green grass
some fruit trees
and the setting Sun...
Thank you, Lord!
August 10, 2018
2.
From the book "On my own"
And suddenly all's in the past
and only the piano melody
played by a girl
makes
the unique
and unrepeated moment
of my soul
and of the present...
Is there any future?
July 5, 2006
***
3.
From the book "Life of the sky"
The Sun has set,
leaving behind
a pillar of fire -
a trace in the sky,
a reminder
of its stay on the Earth,
like an obelisk
of memory.
The night will erase this too -
our efforts,
doubts,
our torments...
All, all will be gone...
This will be gone too
in the reminiscence
of Eternity...
June 13, 1999
***
4.
From the book "Life of the sky"
And the White Sun grew orange
as I walked through the archers
of the boulevard...
The trees, whose names I don't know,
carried their lace, almost imponderable fragile leaves
as if on their palms - to the Sky,
immitating the design of refined Japanese graphics...
I've seen this already
as well as these people
on the impressionists' canvases
and here -
twenty years ago.
I've taken to dilapidated
old buildings...
I must be growing old...
Spring 1999
5.
Zig-Zag poetry. Inspired by Roberts Blossom
When
I
read
"The Rockefellers"
by
Roberts
Blossom
I
thought
that I
do not
understand
a lot
of what
I'd love to
understand
and
the End
is looming...
I
have not
received
a lot
of what
I wanted
to receive
and
on the eve
of Easter
I can only whisper:
"GOD"!
I
will not
remember
you,
myself,
my mother
in other
lives...
Time
like
a piece of
amber
will make us
bugs
in the transparent
Paradise.
March 16, 1989
***
6.
From the book "Contemplations"
A moment of beauty -
the sparkling Sun
on the rippled waters
through
the unusually
elongated leaves
of the unusually
round trees.
Another year has passed -
a year of temptations,
frustrations,
success,
betrayals,
traveling,
work
and disease...
There has been
so much of everything,
but I don't seem
to have become
a more perfect me.
I think,
everything
has happened
already.
But that is not true.
There will be more temptations,
more frustrations,
more success,
more betrayals
more traveling,
work
and disease.
Plus horrors
of the old age.
And I don't seem
to have the energy
to become
a more perfect me.
But that is not true.
Sept. 19, 2006
***
7.
From the book "My Dreams"
I liked that moment...
I woke up,
but stayed in bed
trying to steady
my disturb`ed mind
with prayers...
I suddenly was trown into the past,
into that little girl
lying in bed with her angina...
My mom was in the room...
She walked across,
said something in a quiet voice...
With granny in the kitchen...
And all our men
were with us
and alive -
my granddad and my father...
I liked it -
the spirit of our home
and atmosphere of the 1960s...
Jan. 11, 2024
***
8.
From the book "My Wishes"
I want beauty ...
Beauty of the snow-covered woods.
Beauty of the rising suns.
Beauty of the frozen lakes.
I want beauty ...
Beauty of infinite eyes.
Beauty of feelings.
Beauty of love.
I want beauty ...
Beauty of silence.
Beauty of prayers.
Beauty of the burning honey candles.
I want beauty ...
Beauty of the Spirit.
Beauty of the Earth.
Jan. 2017
***
9.
From the book "Mutability"
The lilacs still in blossom,
promise to stay for ever in this world...
However,
for ever is the change,
the change alone...
And if our dear who have left this life
could come right back
they wouldn't know
what they can do here,
neither would you...
But at the end of May
the gorgeous lilacs,
still in blossom,
promise to stay for ever in this world
breaking the law of mutability
that Shelly spoke about:
"Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability."*
May 22, 2024
__________________________________________________
*Mutability ["We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon"] BY PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY
10.
From my "Koktebel Diary 1998"
Oh, don't I know how a little girl feels
when she enters the sea -
let her Gardian Angel be with her -
or the thoughts of a tree
or a flight of a bird!
Yes, I know all these things,
yes, I know.
But I tend to forget what I knew
when I was a small girl -
didn't she enter the sea
with a marvelous heavenly feeling
given only to her
by the All-Mighty Lord
and enjoyed by her Gardian-Angel...
May 9, 1998
***
11.
From the book "My Dreams"
A few painless moments
before I wake up...
I'm in granny's flat.
She says,
she has
the key
to a Se-
cret
Garden.
It's in her clo-
set.
There is a little girl
staying with us...
- For ever? - ask I.
- Ay.
Some young spies
are listening and recording
behind
the window
with their device.
I shoo them away
and see their way -
sliding down the ropes.
Nine metres high!
The third floor!
Our appartment home
was built by the German prisoners of war...
When the roar
of a plane
brings me back to my pain,
but I fall asleep again.
I'm at the dacha
picking up some precious crockery
from the cupboard in my room
to take it home
from
1978,
the year the house was torn
down...
I wake up at last -
I was happy
during these moments...
Then - the painful comeback to reality...
One more day...
Let us pray...
P.S. I want my Eternity
to be a blissful sleep
without pain or guilt
and... without me...
Feb. 22, 2024
***
12.
And yet
there are some quiet moments...
when the sea
is ebbing,
ebbing,
ebbing
and the sky
is weaker
in its lightest blue
dissolving gently
in the outer space...
The sands are stretching
while the bamboo tents
start drawing
round shadows
on the earth.
The Sun is tired
and is not so hard..
The island if Tiran
grows pink,
its tail is thinning
in its strive to reach
Saudi Arabia
to make one single whole.
The air is milder
in the setting Sun...
And all the disillusions of this life
are ebbing,
ebbing,
ebbing
ebbing
with the sea...
And then
you think
about some Other World
where you'll be happy
in a different way...
Aug. 19, 2015
Sharm El Sheikh
***
13.
A lot of good poetry has been written in the world,
so there's no need to hide it...
I remember the atmosphere at the Institute -
as if it was jealous,
as if it wanted to keep all the knowledge of English
to itself...
But we learnt
and graduated
regardless of all
that pressure...
Now the world
speaks English,
the whole world...
So there was no need to supress us, poor guys and girls...
It's the same with good poetry -
there's no need to hide it.
It will find its way to those
who love it...
There is no need to keep it to oneself.
Poetry can make one feel happy!
Feb 23, 2022
***
14.
From the book Contemplations
Creative rpocess...
It's precious in itself...
It is a kind of praying,
a co-creation...
Although
we just confirm
what has already been created,
which we can never ever make ourselves...
Oh, all these flowers and herbs...
They look so gorgeous in the setting Sun!
And they don't think about their fleeting life,
which is so short.
It will be over in a month or two...
Next summer they will come again,
the roses - gentle, fragile, sweet...
They will be loved
by the caressing
rising-setting Suns
and by the people
wandering in the park...
We'll never know their thoughts
(if they have any,
at least they do have feelings - that's for sure)
What can we do? -
admire their beauty.
But that is all...
June 21, 2024
***
15.
From the book Contemplations
At first we dream
and then we try -
try hard,
try very hard...
and understand what's what...
But even knowing
the rude and disappointing life
we go on dreaming -
unrealistically...
Maybe these dreams
can help us to go on?
June 22, 2024
***
16.
Oh, don't you love your take -
blue clouds
over the light-blue hills
stepping a little back,
hovering over the world...
Well, this is Koktebel,
the valley of blue rocks and hills,
my tremulous and ardent love.
The clouds have played a wistful Saga
turning from Angels
into miraculous birds
up in the sleepy skies,
ready to have the Night.
It's cold. It's very cold.
I am alone
in this mysterious set
and my enormous feeling,
as rhythmic as the waves
will never tide...
May 24, 1998
From my Koktebel diary 1998
***
17.
From my book
Contemplations
Life is not
what we thought...
And things
seem to be unattainable...
Whatever you reach
is not the same
it was in the mind...
Nevertheless
we go on...
And happi-
ness
is
unawareness
of what's
in store for us...
Nov.20, 2019
***
18.
From my book
Only you, Love
Do you love me at early dew
When the Sun sets up in the Sky
To work for the heavy Earth
And it's time to go out to work?
Do you love in the afternoon
When the Sun as all blossom and hight,
The Earth is worn out by the heat
And you're eager to break for lunch?
Do you love me at half past five
When the Sun dissolves in the day,
The Earth's getting ready to rest
And you feel it's time to go home?
Do you love me when Midnight comes,
The Moon soaks itself in the ink
Of the deep black ocean-like Sky
And your mind's going out to God?
Do you love me?
April 2, 1996
19.
To B.D.
From my book
Only you, Love
I'm in the Orsay Museum -
thinking about you, my heart.
If I had a cell phone
I would call you -
to give you a deep vibrating silence
meaning only one thing
I cannot pronounce -
LOVE.
I've been talking to you in my mind
for two months already -
day and night.
My notebook is running out,
but I decided
not to drop this line
until it drops off by itself.
Whatever you've got to say and haven't
will be said in your mind -
silently.
It's the same as the silence
you gave me
on the day of my call
after we talked in pronounced words.
Well, even if it was just a burst
and not love
that can last
and bring fruit...
Even if you never call me again,
never talk to me,
never think of me
I will be grateful
for this happy period of wishful love
living in my heart,
which saved me from loneliness,
from the frosts of Moscow winters...
And I will continue to warm you
with the currents of my mind -
at a distance.
You may not even notice this,
but will feel good
and cared for
and protected anyway -
that's how it works,
it's like a prayer.
Maybe,
this kind of communication is even better -
for
we'll never quarrel,
never see annoying friends,
never go to stupid parties,
never try to subdue each other.
Well,
whatever...
I'm immensely grateful
for the energy you gave me,
which continues to work in me still,
the energy of that deep vibrating silence
meaning only one thing
you couldn't pronounce -
LOVE.
April 2003,
Paris
***
20.
From my book
Endless walks
Nothing else will pan out tonight...
I've taken pix of some gorgeus roses in the park,
prodigious reflections of ponds,
fantastic abstraction in the city - constructivism...
I'm coming back home
with pre-prepared food
bought in a popular store,
which can't hold a candle
to my granny's cooking...
Why did I argue with her?!
Hers was the best in the world!
She'll never wait for me at home
with a hot dinner...
I'm coming back...
So little is left...
And yet
after a short rest on a bench
I can see somе great lines of branches with leaves,
almost tires...
I take out my camera -
this is a hope...
Maybe there will be something else...
June 27, 2024
***
21.
Night in the park
Another summer of my life...
The old trees are going high,
their trunks huge,
the massive leaves
are like thick dark-green whipped cream.
The lit lanterns are beautiful,
especially their vibration
in the water.
They're scattered all around the park -
lightning bugs.
Saying "When I was young"
I'm mostly surprised.
Youth seems to be recent.
And life passes by very quickly...
Although I'm not inclined
to say banalities right now.
Have I ever been?
The rhythm of this poem
reminds me
of the one
written 20 years ago... -
(20 years ago? Really?)
where "the crows are croking"* -
funnily I have to put myself in quotation marks -
when I was fourty
and at the peak of my creativity.
(Who was fourty?)
A lot of friends, my age,
have passed away,
especially men,
but women too.
It's so strange.
Whose turn is it now?
Mine? Or not yet?
The Evil Forces
have tested me up and down.
Now I can see their work.
However, they can't do anything
if you don't accept their will.
It's good to be in control.
It's also good
not to be ravengeful in your mind
forgetting bad things,
forgiving evil doers...
It's great
to be used by the Upper Invisible Forces
for arts and poetry...
People call it a talented person,
but I don't do anything, really -
ideas come by themselves...
God knows where from -
I don't...
And yet I was chosen...
The Blissful Forces have been with me too!
An unspeakable moment of life...
I don't want to be famous,
I just want to feel this...
Life of the flesh has an end
leading to Death.
Life of the Spirit is endless!
The Prize is Eternal Life!
My pleasure lies in the Spirit...
Adherants of flesh can't understand it.
Peace be with them...
And we,
trekkers of the Paths of the Gorgeous,
seekers of the Invisible,
we shall go our way...
Now most things are in the past,
just in the mind...
What is left?
Whatever I've done
does not seem to matter,
except my sins,
my experience small.
I don't mean the sordid mundane experience, -
I've never thought much of it -
but the wanderings of the soul.
Death is a great experience,
I believe.
I'm really curious...
Life of the soul is much longer
than this tiny stitch/strech on Earth.
Yet it has to be worthy.
Now that so little is left
you have to be very careful
about the slightest movement of your heart -
being aware of Who you're with.
Mosquitoes are biting
the way they did
when I was a small girl.
The trees haven't changed either.
Aug. 7, 2020
_______________________________________________________________
*
"The crows are croking" - from my poem: http://lit.lib.ru/s/slobodkina_o/howtodescribedoc.shtml
***
22.
From my book
Contemplations
How to describe the stillness of these waters?
Floating slowly,
very slowly
in the warm light of the early evening in May
with an occasional splash of a fish
sparkling its silver fins
above the greenish mirror surface,
reflecting the trees images
growing thickly along the banks.
The first warm days of the new Spring,
the first Spring in the 21st century,
the first Spring in the new millenium,
which means
that my whole life,
all my experiences,
feelings,
emotions,
recollections
have gone down
the 20th century -
for ever.
No, they have stayed
in me and with me -
for ever.
On a day like this
you don't want to argue with anyone
in your mind,
you don't want to remember
anything nasty.
Thanks God,
there are no people around
and very few in the whole park,
so that I may forget
about the angry movements of my mind
for a while...
I'm thinking about my early teens
and about England.
Will the love of my youth come back to me?
Will the delightful scent of England
stay in my sensual memory?
The crows are croaking...
If everything should mean something
this certainly means something.
In the meanwhile
the river brings the adours of gardenia.
I'm writing this entirely for myself,
without caring about the style,
without a back thought
of ever showing this to anyone.
I find it terrific not to have an imaginary reader
always raising his ironical eyebrow
or shrugging his I-don't-care-a-straw shoulder...
I find it amusing not to talk to anyone at all in my mind,
not to share my thoughts -
who would understand them anyway?
Maybe nobody,
except my brother
or my first love
who will stay ideal
for ever and ever,
because he has lived his life
with someone else...
May 1, 2001
***
23.
From my book
Contemplations
The car turned round and drove away
about its business
not knowing
how beautiful
its roof reflected
the Sun, the foliage and clouds...
I saw it
from the Height of Heights!
How many Worlds there are -
Unknown,
Unknowable!
And we are in our own affairs
not knowing
how beautiful
they might have been reflected
in the mind...
But all this silent beauty
(oh, who can hear its music!)
will be reflected -
and for ever -
in the Universe...
June 22, 2024
***
24.
From my book
Contemplations
After the operation
I find myself pondering,
contemplating...
We have to go through a lot in life -
sometimes things seem harder
than they turn out to be as a result;
sometimes something unthinkable happens...
The whole life is a temptation...
Had I known all this,
would I like
to come to this world?
Aug. 11, 2022
***
25.
My doll Diana
My doll Diana's
in my heart...
My father's present...
She fell to pieces
for my granny
insisted
that I should give her
to my younger cous...
when I grew up.
She ruined it...
I could have fixed her long ago...
However
her image is much stronger
in my mind
and it will live there
as long as I can live...
The broken doll
will stay in this material world.
And I have no idea
if my niece or nephews
will ever fix her
giving her to their kids...
They do not want
even our family country house...
They'll
buy or build themselves
whatever they desire
when they become adults.
But beautiful and bright Diana
will go with me
to the Invisible World...
And
THERE
my father's
gonna meet us both -
alive and young
and loving and Eternal...
July 25, 2021
***
Fame came too late
like a lame mare.
Fame came too late -
't was my fate,
but I was no longer there.
Aug., 16, 1997
End of Part I
© Copyright
Слободкина Ольга
(
olga_slobodkina@mail.ru
)
Обновлено: 01/08/2024. 41k.
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