To B.D.


I'm in the Orsay Museum -
  thinking about you, my heart.

If I had a cell phone
 I would call you -
  to give you a deep vibrating silence
   meaning only one thing
    I cannot pronounce -
      LOVE.

I've been talking to you in my mind
 for two months already -
  day and night.
   My notebook is running out,
    but I decided 
     not to drop this line
      until it drops off by itself.

Whatever you've got to say and haven't
  will be said in your mind -
   silently.

It's the same as the silence
 you gave me
   on the day of my call
    after we talked in pronounced words.

Well, even if it was just a burst
  and not love
   that can last
    and bring fruit...

Even if you never call me again,
 never talk to me,
  never think of me

I will be grateful
 for this happy period of wishful love
  living in my heart,

which saved me from loneliness,
  from the frosts of Moscow winters...

And I will continue to warm you
 with the currents of my mind -
  at a distance.

You may not even notice this,
 but will feel good
  and cared for
   and protected anyway -

that's how it works,
 it's like a prayer.

Maybe,
 this kind of communication is even better -
  for
   we'll never quarrel,
    never see annoying friends,
     never go to stupid parties,
      never try to subdue each other.

Well,
 whatever...
  I'm immensely grateful
   for the energy you gave me,
    which continues to work in me still,

the energy of that deep vibrating silence
 meaning only one thing
  you couldn't pronounce -
   LOVE.




April 2003,

Paris